Just Breathe.............

Thats what I had to keep telling myself yesterday!
But first let me tell you about my trip :)

I'm back from Texas Ya'll! :)  I'm glad to be back home, but missing my family back there, my cousins and my aunt and uncle, like crazy!  It was nice to be around family. Here in California, the only family I have, besides the friends I consider family, are my parents, and my sister, and my nieces and my nephew's.  For the most part I'm ok with it because really it's all I've ever known.... well, since I was 10, that's the way it's always been....... So back in Texas it's my cousins ( two of which i have never met until this trip)  and my aunts and uncles.... and then its all of my Aunts family there.... which is not technically MY family... but its family none the less. So I had a great time...... except for the hips giving me trouble..... the first night I was there.... my cousin had to get up in the morning to go to a class that she couldn't miss.... and I slept in her bed with her.... usually I guess i don't notice it as much because i'm free to toss and turn every couple of hours so that I don't spend to long on one hip, but I was sleeping with my cousin in her bed, and she had to get up early.... I didn't want to toss and turn the whole night and keep her up..... so I stayed on my left side the whole time....... and BOY did I pay for it in the morning when I woke up and for the rest of the trip........ so Note to Self :  Next time you have to sleep on one hip for an extended amount of time.... Pain killers BEFORE you go to bed to numb the pain when you wake up!  My cousin took me to my first Rodeo.......... it was great, I loved it....... every part besides the roping!!  I turned my head and did not watch the poor little guys getting roped and yanked backwards as they are trying to run away... everybody tells me that it doesn't hurt them..... Well I don't care..... it LOOKs like it hurts them, and it makes me want to cry!   Toby Keith was playing that night after the rodeo was over.... we stayed for about an hour of his concert and then took off to avoid the crowds..... At first I was upset that a couple came an sat right in front of us with their big cowboy hats on because I couldn't see anything....... until I realized that it was a great photo opportunity for me ;)

Ok ..... now back to reality....

So I get home from Texas on Sunday and was supposed to go to work on Monday.... didn't happen... I decided to bring a sinus/head cold home with me from the airport....... and nothing is worse than staring at a computer for 10 hours of the day when you have a sinus headache.... I couldn't do it.... So I called in sick... I was going to call my insurance and start dealing with all that crap again....but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.... I was not feeling good, I was tired, and I just wasn't in the mood...... I pretty much slept all day.... SO Tuesday morning.... the fun begins!!  I get to work at 6:30am, but I had to wait until 8am to start making any phone calls..... I was NOT in the mood to really deal with it, I still wasn't feeling good but I knew I had to..... I spent a whole flippin hour on the phone (luckily my boss was an hour late, and everybody else was in a meeting all morning) For that whole hour I was passed on from person to person, department to department with NO BODY knowing anything that could help me. Before I left for Texas I was talking to my Medical group and they had said that they were sending an email to the UM Department of my Insurance to get them to issue me a Denial number so that I can appeal it...... well they sent them an email on Feb 11th... and then again on the 19th... and then again on the 22nd, which was the day I was calling with no answer from them..... So I called the UM Department myself trying to figure out what was going on, and they tell me that they have no record of any emails or any request for authorization or denial or anything..... .and then decide to pass me on to the Appeals department.... I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO THEM!! They already made me wait a whole freakin 30 days without telling me that i needed a denial number to begin with!!! WHAT part of that are they not understanding??!   So i hang up and call my Medical group back and get the name of the person they are supposidly emailing over at the UM Department ( Angie) ...... so I call back the UM Department and ask for Angie and this girl doesn't know who I'm talking about...... " ummm... there is no angie here... "..... UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Just breathe Krystal.... just breathe!!   So anyway, this lady was nice enough to ask me if I just wanted her to send in a request for me to see an Out of Network doctor.......... WHAT?  really??  Thats all I had to do?? I'm SOOO flipping confused!   She said it will take 3-5 business days to get an answer and if they deny me, then i can use that to appeal.......  This is all so ridiculous, really...... I had a freakin break down yesterday.... I hung up the phone and cried...... I'm so frustrated, and not feeling good, and I was at work trying to deal with this all..... it was NOT a good day! 

So thats where I'm at..... HOPING to hear something by Friday or maybe Monday of next week.  I'm stressing out wondering what I'm going to do if they don't approve me...... there is NO way that I can pay for it without insurance.... there is no way I can even pay for it if they make me pay Out-of Network fees...... on top of all the stuff I have to buy for recovery, my walker, my cane, my crutches, my shower seat, my toilet riser thingy.... and much more.... this is all stupid, just stupid and I hate dealing with it....But at the same time I hate dealing with the pain that I am in......... which makes having the surgery and dealing with all this crap worth it............. in the long run.... its just the short run that's killing me!!  I know i'll get there..... i'm just having a hard time holding on right now and keeping it together. ........... Which brings me to why im looking forward to this weekend......... a new friend of mine........ a fellow Hippie....... lives in Temecula... and she makes beautiful earrings and hair pieces and sells them on ETSY ...... So her and I are getting together this weekend and doing a little photoshoot with some models to showcase her product :)   I will post pictures later of course. :)

So that' it.... thats all I have for ya....... thanks for listening!!

Good News/Bad News

Ok..... Good news....... The burning achey feeling is gone (for now) ..... Yay!!  The bad news....... MY FLIPPIN INSURANCE SUCKS!!!!!!!!   Arrgg!  I'm so frustrated!!   So I FINALLY understand whats going on with my insurance and my authorization/denial.  I was wrong in my last post about them re-opening my request and hopefully getting it approved...... I didn't understand what was going on, but I talked to somebody today at my Medical Group and now I understand.  My Insurance (Blue Cross HMO) is the one who screwed up!!  Last month when they first put in for the authorization, my insurance company sent them back a notice stating that the Surgeon is Out of Network....... and from what I'm told with Blue Cross HMO when its out of network its automatically a denial..... So thats why my doctors office told me that I had been denied..... My insurance should have issued at Denial Number to my request so that I could appeal it...... they NEVER did that......  which I wasn't aware of..... so that is why when I went to appeal my denial, my insurance had no record of it ever being denied...... So when my Medical Group re-opened my request, it wasn't to hopefully get approval (they already know they arn't getting it) ..... it was to have my Insurance company give them a Denial number so that I can appeal it..........  FML!!!!!!!!!   Seriously???  I have to wait for them to deny it (AGAIN) just so that I can appeal it (AGAIN) and wait ANOTHER 30 days????  You have got to be kidding me!!!   I am so EFFIN pissed!!!   When I do get my denial number and I call for my appeal..... I am going to make sure I talk to somebody and make sure THEY know that THEY messed up, and that I shouldn't have to wait the whole 30 days for the appeals process AGAIN.   This is ridiculous!  I'm going to raise hell and they better put my appeal through as an expedited appeal so that I can get my answer in 3 days.   ugghh!!

On another note........ I have one more hour of work, and then I am leaving to go visit some family in Texas until Sunday.  Yay!! At least that will take my mind off of my stupid Insurance issues for awhile.  I am in SO need of a vacation! See ya guys when I get back!

Burning stabbing pain!!

Burning, Aching pain...... I can't stand it!!  Today is not a good day for me and my hips :(   I'm just feeling generally like crap today.  The burning achey pain started this morning just in the front groin area of my hips... spread to the side and is now made its way around to my lower back.  This pain is the most annoying of all.... I get SOOO frustrated because no matter how I adjust my hips, or how much i try and stretch (I don't know why i think thats gonna help, never does) ...... it just doesnt stop, its constant, and it makes me feel naseous!  I feel like a big baby because all I wanna do right now is curl up in a little ball and cry ..... cry because it hurts, cry because im so frustrated that I cant make it stop, and cry because I'm the only person who can FEEL it...... you cant see it, so to anybody else listening to me tell them my hips ache and burn so much to where i wanna cry, I feel like they just think I'm being a big baby!  Granted...... I'm sure not everybody is thinking that...... maybe its just me that is projecting my thoughts of myself onto other people......  I'm angry.  I'm angry that I can't just handle the pain.... I'm angry that it effects my life so much, and i'm angry that I'm angry!!   Ughhh!!!  Just make it stoppppp!!!!!  :(

Insurance Update

Hey guys......  Ok, well I am still in the dark with the insurance company. The 30 days that the insurance had to give me an answer on my appeal was up yesterday, the 12th.  I called them on Thursday and was told " It says here in the notes that they are closing the appeal today because there was no denial from the Medical group in the first place"   Wait........ WHAT???   What do you mean there was no denial!?  I was told by my doctors office that my authorization was denied because Dr. Santore is not a participating provider in my insurance plan.... so that was why I sent in the appeal with the letter of medical necessity from my doctor.
I'm flipping out by now....... are you kidding me??  I've been waiting for a freakin MONTH for you to tell me that there was no denial in the first place?  I called my doctors office back and talked to the nurse in charge of sending in for the authorizations....... she told me that the insurance company had called her the other day to find out the reason that I needed to see Dr. Santore ( although, they already had the stupid doctors report that states WHY) ....... All this insurance crap is so confusing!! and FRUSTRATING!   I'm not exactly sure what happened, but basically where I am right now is right back at the beginning........ im not authorized, but i'm not denied either...... they re-opened my authorization for Dr. Santore........ my nurse said this could be a good thing, because my medical group is the one who re-opened my authorization after speaking with my insurance company....... so I'm hoping that they reopened it because they are going to give me the approval.  I honestly don't understand why its so complicated!! It's not like im asking them to cover anything cosmetic, I NEED this surgery to be able hopefully live a pain free life....... or a semi-pain free life. 

I am SOO glad that I am going to be going to Texas to visit my cousin next week, that will at least keep me busy for a week without having to think about all this other stuff hopefully....... and in the meantime before I leave, I'm going to pull out my camera and mess around with some shots this weekend.  Tomorrow I have a photoshoot with my friend Nicole,  I can't wait to edit those pictures! :) 

To my hip chicks, Ashely and Kristen, I'm thinking about you guys, I'm so glad you made it through without any complications and now you can concentrate on recovery!! yay!!   Marianna....... You're going to do GREAT on Monday..... and Serena and Sarah and Becky..... it's almost recovery time for you guys too!!  You'll all be on the "other" side soon....... and we'll be cheering you on from the sidelines!  I love you guys!!

You might be Dysplastic if.....

haha!! I took this off of another Hip Sisters blog, and thought all you hippies would find it funny... but so very true!  Enjoy!


You might be dysplastic if ...


1. You are under 30 and own a walker, a raised toilet seat and a hip kit.

2. You have said, "it's not a hip replacement, they are breaking my pelvis" more than once in the same day.

3. You are adept at doing the "fist in hand" demonstration of a what a normal hip looks like, followed by what YOURS looks like, followed by how the surgeon will correct it.

4. While carving a turkey, you take the opportunity to demonstrate for your guests how periacetabular osteotomy works using the carving knife, said turkey, and a few screws from the junk drawer in the kitchen. You end up ordering pizza.

5. You are the youngest person in your aquatherapy class.

6. You are the oldest patient at the children's hospital.

7. Before going on any outing you ask, "how far will I have to walk?"

8. You can spell "iliopsoas" and "trochanter."

9. Eskimos have hundreds of words for snow. You have hundreds of words for hip pain: snapping, grinding, tin foil, popping, giving way, ripping, tearing, shredding, burning ...

10. Even though you got a "C" in high school biology, you can name and describe the function of every muscle, tendon and bone between your belly button and your knee cap.

11. You practice sleeping on your back so that you'll be ready for the weeks post surgery.

12. You are a woman but you say the word "groin" a lot.

13. You have posted a picture of yourself in a hospital gown on the internet.

14. You have posted pictures of your incision, your x-rays, your hardware, or your surgeon on the internet.

15. You've refinanced your house and/or cashed out your retirement accounts just in case you have to pay for a surgery which your insurance company may, at the last minute, deem "not medically necessary."

16. You have a blog which you update hourly (first week post diagnosis), obsessively (in the months leading up to surgery), daily (the week before surgery), daily with help from a family member or nurse (from the time the epidural comes out until you leave the hospital), bi-weekly (from the time you leave the hospital until you get to throw the damn crutches away), then twice monthly until such time as you just want to get on with your life again. You then update the blog one year after surgery with a picture of your healed incision. Unless ... you need surgery on the other side; if so, repeat.

Mixed Emotions

I'm not usually at a loss for words when I sit down to type..... my fingers just usually start typing and everything spills out of my head onto the page.... sometimes in random order, so i apologize for any future confusion that might occur...... but for some reason when I sat down to write this blog, I found myself just sitting here staring at the computer for a few minutes...... I think it's just because I have such a mix of emotions floating around in my head/body/heart right now that i'm not sure how to express it all. Ever since I was officially diagnosed and made aware of the surgery (PAO)  that I would need to have in order to correct my dysplastic hips, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions..... even more so than I usually am.  I was able to find a few "Hip Sisters"  who have been through what I am going through right now, they turned me towards this amazing yahoo group called Hipwomen, I found it comforting to read everybody's posts, their updates on recovery status, questions from the "newbies", and more importantly the VENTING, it made me realize that is OK to be angry, It's ok to self wallow every now and then, it's ok to feel lost and alone.... BUT it also made me realize that although this is going to be a LONG process of healing and recovery, that I'm NOT alone, no matter how much I might feel that I am at times. I loved all of the support and positive engery that is found on the yahoo group, but I wanted a little more interaction with my "hip sisters" ...... so I created Hip Chicks..... its a facebook of sorts, just for us Hip Chicks ;)   I have found AMAZING friends, and an even more amazing support team that I know I am going to need to get me though this.  So to all my hip chicks..... I love you guys, and I am SO thankful for your support!!!  xoxoxo

I've been doing alot of reading of blogs from people who have gone through or are going through what I am right now,  I found a great one yesterday from somebody that has had a PAO through the surgeon I will be going to, Dr. Santore.  I have heard so many good things about him already and this blog just helped reinforce what good hands I will be in.  I also found a new hip sister on Hip Chicks last night that actually lives by me.... yes.... RIGHT BY ME!  Yay!!!  She's actually having surgery by Dr. Santore on Monday, the 15th,  so Marianna if you're reading this, you are in my thoughts, and I know you're going to be fine, You'll be on the "other side" soon! :)

I guess the reason why I am such a mix of emotions right now is because of where I am in this whole process... i'm in the pre-waiting stage...... no, not the waiting for surgery stage.... but they waiting to see if I can even have surgery..... My stupid insurance denied my authorization to see Dr. Santore because he is not on my health plan...... I sent in an appeal with a letter of medical necessity stating that there is no surgeon in my health plan that is qualified to do such a procedure because of how specialized it is.  They have until this Friday, the 12th, to give me an answer on my appeal.  So this whole time while i've been in the pre-waiting stage, i've been trying to mentally prepare myself for what i am going to have to go through, I've been trying to figure out how to re-arrange my life in order for this to happen, since it's such a major surgery, it will have a major impact on my way of life for awhile...... I've been trying to lose the weight I need to lose, i've been trying to get stronger physically because I know the stronger going in, means the stronger coming out...... But it just hit me....... WHAT IF....... what if my insurance doesn't even approve me?  What then? I don't have the money to pay for it myself, I don't even have the money to pay to see somebody out of network....... and then there is... ok, what if my insurance approves me..... but Dr. Santore doesn't?  I mean every blog i've been reading who has been able to have this surgery has had Mild to Moderate Dysplasia...... I only have Mild Dysplasia..... what if he thinks its "too mild"  to do the surgery?  Trust me... it doesnt FEEL mild.... the pain is there and it continues to get worse...... I'm just afraid of getting my hopes up of being able to have the surgery and a chance at a somewhat pain free life..... only to be told that I'm not a candiate for the surgery.   I think I'll feel better once I'm able to see Dr. Santore and actually be told that I can have the surgery..... until then, my thoughts will continue to entertain the "what if's"   Ugh!!!!

Workin on my Fitness

I am gonna try and make this short because my hips are screaming at me right now, especially the left.... but when i start typing sometimes I just cant stop.... so hang in there....
I still don't have an answer from my insurance company besides the usual " We have 30 days to respond, your appeal doesn't close until the 12th of this month" ...... and you can bet your bottom that I'm going to be calling first thing on the 12th..... I'm just so sick of waiting!!  I say that now, but I know the moment I have a date set, time is going to fly by and i'm gonna be stressing about getting everything done beforehand.... but until then.... i'll continue to complain that it's taking FOREVER and I can't wait to just be able to talk to the surgeon.

So anyway, last week I ordered a weight workout called KettleWorx, it was recommened to me by a friend of mine on Facebook. Instead of barbells its a program using a Kettlebell. I am extremely excited about it!!  I know that the stronger I am before going into surgery, the easier it will be during recovery..... at least thats what i've been told..... so i'm excited to start workin on  gettin me some muscles! haha!  :)    I received confirmation that my workout was shipped last week, but it won't be here until the 10th...... Really?  the 10th?  I have to wait 4 more days??   Didn't anybody tell them how impatient I am???  And it's not even fair that they didn't give me an option to pick for shipping..... otherwise I would have paid more to have it shipped here faster.... sooooooo being that I didn't want to wait until Wednesday,  I went out to Target today and bought a Kettlebell there... it came with a DVD workout... it's not the best workout.... but it will do until Wednesday  :)   I'm so excited about it that I actually took pictures of it to show off my new kettlebell....... ok, well actually, I have just been feeling like i've been neglecting my camera and my new lens, so I spent some quality time with my camera today :)    i'll post the pictures below, so that you can ohhhh and awww over my new kettlebell :)

Thats all I have for you folks.... I helped my sister out  today and  helped watch the little ones while she ran out to get a few things.... Domanic really wanted to be held.... and no.. not held while I was sitting down.... he wanted me to stand up, walk around, and hold him until he fell asleep.... man, did that upset my hips.... I didn't realize how bad my hips were getting until tonight.... especially my left... im finding alot of the little things like hold my nephew that never used to bother my hips, or  at least not bother them as much, are really effecting me..... So I think it's off to bed for me.... I have a date with some ibuprofen and a heating pad. 
Night!!  <3

My ticket to strong muscles!!
P.S. Don't laugh...... I know it's only 10lbs.... but i'm a weakling right now... I'll get better  ;)