So I thought today was going to be a good day, pain wise, because when I woke up and rolled out of bed this morning it was pretty painless..... and then as I was walking from my car to work today, which is a little bit of a walk because of stupid construction going on around our buildings, I was doing pretty good...... no limp, no waddle...... Sweet!!! Today's gonna be a good day!!! ....... WRONG! ........ I sit down in front of my computer, turn my light on, log in, turn my heater on, radio on....... and then... wait.... whats this? ..... ahhh yes..... there it is...... the oh so familiar BURN! ARrrrrghhhh!! The pain that I hate the worst!! I would take the stiffness and the limp and waddle over the burning ache any day!! I can't really explain how much it hurts..... it makes me naseous and grumpy and it just doesnt stop!! Ugh, im glad today is my Friday here at work..... then I have to make it through the weekend and then I FINALLY see Dr. Santore on Tuesdsay!! Whooo hoooo!!!
This weekend I need to sit down and fill out my pre-appointment paperwork that they sent me, as well as write down ALL my questions to bring with me so that I don't forget anything. I'm also thinking of printing out some information about Hip Dyplasia and about the PAO surgery for my sister, and for my mom. My sister understands the need for the surgery..... It's my mom that is having a problem with it. I'm having a hard time explaining to her why I need it....... she just keeps saying " Maybe there is something else that can be done" ....... or " Maybe he'll say that you don't need the surgery " .......... I told her she can keep hoping that is the case, even though my report from the OS who referred me to Dr. Santore for the PAO clearly says " I have explained to her that this is a developmental process and it cannot be changed other than with surgical intervention." .......... She just doesn't want to believe it. She's coming with me to my appointment with Dr. Santore next week, so hopefully he'll be able to explain to her WHY I need the surgery, and ease her mind a little bit about things. I understand that she is scared....... she should be...... it's a Major surgery...... and I am terrified ...... but at the same time I am miserable right now, I can no longer do many of the things that I used to enjoy, I am unhappy and depressed, and if this surgery gives me a chance at getting my active life back, then I'm going to take it! I understand the potential complications that come with the surgery....... and I understand that it is not guaranteed and that ALL of my pain may not go away..... but anything has to be better than this right now. I don't think people really understand the effect Chronic Pain has on a person.... it makes you angry, it makes you sad, and it makes you sick, and it's a hard thing to deal with day in and day out while trying to maintain a smile on your face for everybody else.
When I talk to Dr. Santore, and if he orders me the MRI with contrast, I am going to ask him if its possible to have my left ankle/foot MRI'd at the same time. It has the same burning ache and pain that my hip does ever since the swelling started about 4 or 5 years ago...... i've had x-ray after x-ray and nobody can find anything, but I KNOW something is not right.... there has to be a reason of why it would burn and ache like that constantly. Here is the picture of the swelling for those of you who have not seen it........ it doesnt swell like this anymore, but the ache and burn is still there.
Anyway..... thats about all I have for right now....... just have to make it through the weekend and hopefully i'll get all of my questions answered on Tuesday when I see Dr. Santore!!! Yay!!!
xoxoxo to all my Hip Chicks!!
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My dad was concerned with the surgery too. He didn't understand how cutting the bone and rotating the bone how the bone grows back together since it won't match up anymore. It is so much easier to explain when looking at an x ray. But your mother is just being a mother. And she loves you and wants the best for her daughter. Like I say I hope me doing surgery will encourage my sister and my dad to get their hips done. And you are right nobody should have to live with pain. It does take such a toll on a person. And it is hard to make others understand. And then when you do hurt you still just put that smile on your face even though you might rather be kicking the wall or screaming on the inside. I know for me I just want to be able to do the simple things. I don't really care about running a marathon. I just want to be able to walk with my kids, and walk for a full day with our pain and that strange feeling of giving out. And that giving out is coming everyday at least three times day. I just don't want to hurt anymore. And I know that is how you feel. I think about what you are going through because I am going through the exact same thing. And it just so good to know that we aren't alone in this journey. Best of luck at your appt. And I hope you come back with a surgery date. But I can't wait to hear what you find out.
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